Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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