I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
