he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
