Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
