At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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