Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
