I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
