im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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