i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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