6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
