What did we do last night that was yellow?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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