Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
