Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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