just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
