i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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