I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
