I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
