the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
