so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
