remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
