my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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