Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
PANTIES FOUND
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