I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
