call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
