I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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