cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
