I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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