Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
