All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
