Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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