dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
