I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
