i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
