WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
