i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
