OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
