lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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