i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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