i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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