Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All I want is dick and wine.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
