I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
