dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
