You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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