I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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