i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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