Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He better not be in your backpack
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
