Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i love accidental penises.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
