first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
