Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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