The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
