Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
