im drinking this country out of the recession.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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